I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Randomize
