There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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