i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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