how can u be prego again
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
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i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
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If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And then my night got REAL pukey
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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