Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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