did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
