Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
