Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
