i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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