If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
