It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
