No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
