If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
