Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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