too bad you live with your parents still
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
