help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
