If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
