i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Damn victory sex feels great
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
