A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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