Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
