Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need to sanitize my soul.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
