I'm really into asian looking animals
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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