I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
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I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
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She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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