I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
