My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Those nachos came to me in a dream
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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