he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
