my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
