its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I puked a lego.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
