the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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