her vagine was all disorganized.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
