you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
