dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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