Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
