I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
