Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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