Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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