all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
