So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
