a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
