Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
