Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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