you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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