WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
