I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
