We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
