im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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