I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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