What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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