I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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