Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
