Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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