My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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