sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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