STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
