For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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