I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
