Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
