You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
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Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
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Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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