people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
