Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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