new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
