ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
