I wish I could teleport
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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